lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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