I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
