So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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