R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
