if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
