its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I look better un-naked...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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