were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
