I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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