She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
