He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
