There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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