If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
