god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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