What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
