So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
