i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
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you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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