My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize