someone get that fucking seahorse.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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