i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
