we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
