I cannot find my penis.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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