Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.