I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
