I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
