I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
