Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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