Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
