Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
