i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
