i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Damn victory sex feels great
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