Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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