Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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