If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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