A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
