I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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