You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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