i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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