is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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