Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
