Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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