ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
