He is an equal opportunity slut.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
