do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
