when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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