Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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