is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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