So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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