a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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