yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
