Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
