So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
