Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
