bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
