It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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