dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
