i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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