I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
