I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
