the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
