This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
