I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
