I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this hospital has no fireball
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
