Kiss
Puke
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
