I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
