the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
