it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
bring money and cleavage
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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