i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I sprained my soul last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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