You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
