Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
