I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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