Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
