he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Someone signed my nipple.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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