when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Blood and glitter go together right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
